The Beginning of the End
On Tuesday (the day after my “official” miscarriage news), I went to work. I’m the middle of a morning huddle meeting, I felt it. I’d been cramping all morning, and blew it off as from the vaginal ultrasound the day before. But that squish in my pants I could not deny. O ran to the bathroom, interrupting the meeting, knowing I’d be in trouble if I didn’t get the giant pad on ASAP. (I still haven’t asked my doctor, but online advised against tampons, so I went for diaper size pads instead.) my miscarriage had officially begun? Or started to end? Still confused on terminology.
Sadly, I was happy when it began. This means I *hopefully* avoid a D&C. And I don’t have to take any medication to get everything to pass. So yes, I’m happy. Something in this process has to be “good.”
So I started expelling everything. And it was like my doctor said it would be - a heavy period. I didn’t ask him about the pain level. I will say, my cramping was more severe than my normal menstrual cramping. And, oh my goodness, my lower back has been killing me. So I managed with ibuprofen 600mg every 6 hours. I also applied a thermacare memstrual patch to my lower abdomen, although I truly debated putting one on my lower back/sacral region as well. At night, I get the heating pad as the patches start to wear off with the heat intensity.
On Wednesday, I go to work, still obviously in the process of expelling things. Wednesday is a Y day for me. I’m off my “rest” orders, so heck yes I’m going to the Y to burn off some stress and emotion. I literally felt some stress melting away. I do the elliptical for 30 minutes and row machine for 5. I’m cramping like crazy by the time I get back from my “lunch break” at the Y. I immediately go to the restroom and sit on the toilet. I’m shaking like crazy and cramping like crazy. Like a contraction after your water breaks cramping. No joke. I seriously thought I was going to pee, poop, and bleed out right there on the toilet. I get the thermacare patch back on and take some more ibuprofen. I have a couple of these episodes for about an hour, then it goes back to the “normal” cramping I had been experiencing. The rest of the day goes along like that, with nothing extra to note.
Thursday morning, I think God was laughing at me for how much I thought I was bleeding. Because holy wow, soaked a pad in an hour...twice. And I was so low on energy. Cramping and in pain. And for some reason, really sad. If you can’t tell, I can turn my emotions off and describe this like a medical experience. But I couldn’t do that yesterday. I teared up a couple times at work, lost some years on my drive home. Lost more when I decided to officially start writing about my experience and recounting my last ten days of this crazy situation. My emotions showed through. It hit me, every cramp I felt, every squish in my underwear (diaper pad), every trip to the bathroom, every wipe full of blood and mucous. I am miscarrying a baby. This was supposed to be a baby. I can’t believe this is happening. Why is this happening? I thought I was okay, but the constant cramps and bleeding aren’t letting me forget. Then I realize, I don’t think I will forget.
Today, Friday, started off with cramping and bleeding, but not like the Thursday level. In fact, right now, I’m back to spotting. Does this mean it’s almost over? Or is it going to start with a vengeance tomorrow?
I’ll also note, my breast tenderness is back. I think it’s the fluctuations in hormones from pregnant to not throwing me all out of wack. My nausea has been gone since Tuesday (so now I’m stress eating chocolate to get me through my emotions. I don’t advise you do this, but apparently chocolate is my vice).
Sadly, I was happy when it began. This means I *hopefully* avoid a D&C. And I don’t have to take any medication to get everything to pass. So yes, I’m happy. Something in this process has to be “good.”
So I started expelling everything. And it was like my doctor said it would be - a heavy period. I didn’t ask him about the pain level. I will say, my cramping was more severe than my normal menstrual cramping. And, oh my goodness, my lower back has been killing me. So I managed with ibuprofen 600mg every 6 hours. I also applied a thermacare memstrual patch to my lower abdomen, although I truly debated putting one on my lower back/sacral region as well. At night, I get the heating pad as the patches start to wear off with the heat intensity.
On Wednesday, I go to work, still obviously in the process of expelling things. Wednesday is a Y day for me. I’m off my “rest” orders, so heck yes I’m going to the Y to burn off some stress and emotion. I literally felt some stress melting away. I do the elliptical for 30 minutes and row machine for 5. I’m cramping like crazy by the time I get back from my “lunch break” at the Y. I immediately go to the restroom and sit on the toilet. I’m shaking like crazy and cramping like crazy. Like a contraction after your water breaks cramping. No joke. I seriously thought I was going to pee, poop, and bleed out right there on the toilet. I get the thermacare patch back on and take some more ibuprofen. I have a couple of these episodes for about an hour, then it goes back to the “normal” cramping I had been experiencing. The rest of the day goes along like that, with nothing extra to note.
Thursday morning, I think God was laughing at me for how much I thought I was bleeding. Because holy wow, soaked a pad in an hour...twice. And I was so low on energy. Cramping and in pain. And for some reason, really sad. If you can’t tell, I can turn my emotions off and describe this like a medical experience. But I couldn’t do that yesterday. I teared up a couple times at work, lost some years on my drive home. Lost more when I decided to officially start writing about my experience and recounting my last ten days of this crazy situation. My emotions showed through. It hit me, every cramp I felt, every squish in my underwear (diaper pad), every trip to the bathroom, every wipe full of blood and mucous. I am miscarrying a baby. This was supposed to be a baby. I can’t believe this is happening. Why is this happening? I thought I was okay, but the constant cramps and bleeding aren’t letting me forget. Then I realize, I don’t think I will forget.
Today, Friday, started off with cramping and bleeding, but not like the Thursday level. In fact, right now, I’m back to spotting. Does this mean it’s almost over? Or is it going to start with a vengeance tomorrow?
I’ll also note, my breast tenderness is back. I think it’s the fluctuations in hormones from pregnant to not throwing me all out of wack. My nausea has been gone since Tuesday (so now I’m stress eating chocolate to get me through my emotions. I don’t advise you do this, but apparently chocolate is my vice).
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