Finally at Zero

I couldn’t wait any longer. Got my hcg level. I’m at zero. Now waiting for the rest of my hormones to figure out what’s going on.

Each time I say, “If this happens or stops happening, I’ll feel like I can finally move on,” I make a lot out of myself.

Now, I am saying, “Once I start my period, I can finally move on.” In the past, that’s been about bleeding, spotting, pregnancy symptoms, hcg level, etc. Who knew how many bumps you hit throughout a miscarriage that feel like a finale until you hit it, then realize there’s another one coming?!

I have a secret. I’m dumb, and somehow convinced myself there was a chance that my hcg level would come back and it’d be so high it would indicate I was pregnant again. I mean, I have intermittent nausea, tingly breasts, lower abdominal cramping (which is actually concerning me right now), so why wouldn’t it be super high positive. Do yourselves a favor and don’t be like me. I’m emotional, and I have no idea if it’s hormones, stress, feeling my loss again (because I really wanted to be pregnant again?), or everything combined all at once, or maybe PMSing?! Let’s hope it’s PMSing. That means I’m closer to a stage where we can attempt to conceive again.

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