It’s Been A Month

I started spotting one month ago, my first sign of impending miscarriage. So much has happened, yet nothing has changed. I still do all the normal stuff. It’s like I was never pregnant (besides the reminder of spotting all day every day).

I have no real update, as nothing has changed from my last update. Instead, I have questions and thoughts.

I keep thinking about what will be different for our next pregnancy, things I should change to decrease the risk (which also means I’m failing on the whole “not my fault” thing). So, I really wonder, next time, do I change my exercising? I never exercised intensely with my previous successful pregnancies. With my miscarriage, I went 3 days a week, and only slowed on the running but kept with everything else. Did the lack of resting during the day impact the pregnancy? I think I’m only going to walk if I do even go to the Y with the next pregnancy. As I go during my lunch break, I literally stand on my feet 9 hours straight if I don’t rest during lunch. Another thought - I need to avoid the stomach flu (not that that is different from normal, but illness = risk). I should probably cut down on my coffee, but that’s been a work in progress since January. I’m sure I have other thoughts on things I would change, but these are the big ones.

And then, of course, I have the thought that anything I change may not have had an impact at all in the miscarriage. And that I can’t control it happening again. Which I hate. Because my heart yearns for more children in my life.

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