My First "First"

After people die, you have a year of firsts. After a miscarriage, I think I'm going to feel the same way.

Today is my first first. I would have been on my way to my first doctor appointment, had I not had the miscarriage. It would have been the first sonogram, the first heartbeat we would hear. Instead, I'm sitting with my 3.5 year old, resting while the 2 year old tries not to nap. (Parenthood at its finest!)

I've been busy today with appointments all morning. Yet, this appointment was supposed to be the last one of the day on my day off of work. And I can't not think about it. My mom text me this morning to see how I was doing. She instinctively somehow knew I needed that today. She had no idea this was the day we were supposed to have our first appointment, and somehow knew she needed to reach out to me, tell me she was thinking and praying for us.

I also heard back from my blood draw yesterday. Down to 25! I have to go in in two to three weeks for what should be my last blood draw from the miscarriage. Then we have officially had a "restart." My restart of a normal menstrual cycle. It will also mean that we can get pregnant again. I won't lie and tell you I'm not looking forward to it. I'm ready for "normal" and ready for the in-between to be over. I am not looking for another pregnancy to replace the miscarriage. I know I'll think about it as we hit dates that would have been important to the lost pregnancy. I'm just praying I'll be pregnant again and that pain will be dulled by the new life growing inside of me, giving me hope that we will someday have another healthy baby join our family.

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