Kmac Mom Life

After people die, you have a year of firsts. After a miscarriage, I think I'm going to feel the same way. Today is my first first. I would have been on my way to my first doctor appointment, had I not had the miscarriage. It would have been the first sonogram, the first heartbeat we would hear. Instead, I'm sitting with my 3.5 year old, resting while the 2 year old tries not to nap. (Parenthood at its finest!) I've been busy today with appointments all morning. Yet, this appointment was supposed to be the last one of the day on my day off of work. And I can't not think about it. My mom text me this morning to see how I was doing. She instinctively somehow knew I needed that today. She had no idea this was the day we were supposed to have our first appointment, and somehow knew she needed to reach out to me, tell me she was thinking and praying for us. I also heard back from my blood draw yesterday. Down to 25! I have to go in in two to three weeks for what should ...

I am happy to report I think I am finally done either bleeding and any spotting! Today is the first day I have had no evidence reminding me of miscarriage when I use the restroom. The expulsion started two weeks ago on Tuesday. So the estimated seven to ten days I read on the internet lasted a little longer for me. And I was only 6 weeks pregnant when the spotting began. On another note, went to the doctor for another blood draw. I think the professionals at the office think I’m unaffected by this. I’ve chatted with the phlebotomists like I’m not going through a miscarriage, talking about the progress of my count going down, joking about when my last weekly visit to them will be. But it’s a reminder of what I’m going through for every blood draw I get. I’m ready for them to be over. Partly because I’m ready to not have that weekly reminder, but also because that means my cycle is reset, and we can try to conceive again. That next step is going to be hard. The worry that if we conce...

During the unknown, the trudges, I prayed for the moment I didn't think about this miscarriage. I'm finally getting there. Eleven days ago, we were told positively that I would miscarry. Eighteen days ago was the first spotting episode. Twenty-six days ago I got my positive pregnancy test. Thirty-one days ago, I didn't start my period. I don't even know where March has gone. Actually, I do. Between initial morning sickness, the stomach flu, and the drawn out questions of miscarriage or no, then the grief, anger, and finally (mostly) acceptance, April is a few days away. After eighteen days of getting used to the idea of miscarriage and thinking about things nonstop, I find myself actually not all-consumed in miscarriage thoughts. I'm also happy to report that my bleeding has FINALLY slowed down. I'm still too scared to downgrade the pad size, as the bleeding is very sporadic, but we are getting there. Soon I won't have the multiple reminders of miscarriage...

My Hcg levels are still falling (which means no D&C at this point). Went from 120s to 82 in a week. My doctor said that I will likely bleed longer because it is dropping so slowly. I graduated to a Lightdays last night, only to require a bigger pad today. No idea why, but it started heavier flows again. Every time I feel like I’m at peace with the miscarriage, I start thinking too much. Mostly probably aggravated from the doctor visit. Some of my burning questions were answered. I go in weekly from here on out until my hcg level is <5. No appointment, just labs. No ultrasound will be done as long as my hcg level goes down properly, and no medication or surgery will be required if all that happens. I forgot (as it wasn’t a forerunner in my questions) to ask if I could have sex again. Or use tampons (dang it!). However, I asked him how long we needed to avoid pregnancy. He said he suggests waiting until after my next period, but if it happens before that, there is no higher risk...

I’m five days into what I refer to as “the expulsion.” I am not sure what to call the massive amount of bleeding that occurs during a miscarriage. I was so ready to get on here and brag that I was no longer using a diaper pad. But the light days pad lasted a shorter time than it took to vacuum the upstairs of my house. I really thought it was slowing down. I hadn’t had huge issues all day. Dare I say, I was really only spotting. So Lightdays pad, here I come. False. So very false. I’m ready for this stage of miscarriage to be over. I think I’m getting over that hump of thoughts of the miscarriage constantly on my mind. Unfortunately, this bleeding reminder brings my thoughts back to the situation. I’m looking forward to Tuesday, when I will discuss some of those questions that have been burning in my mind. On another note, I finally told my mom. She said exactly what I thought she would say. But it really helped to tel someone who has been through it before. But, since she raised me,...

On Tuesday (the day after my “official” miscarriage news), I went to work. I’m the middle of a morning huddle meeting, I felt it. I’d been cramping all morning, and blew it off as from the vaginal ultrasound the day before. But that squish in my pants I could not deny. O ran to the bathroom, interrupting the meeting, knowing I’d be in trouble if I didn’t get the giant pad on ASAP. (I still haven’t asked my doctor, but online advised against tampons, so I went for diaper size pads instead.) my miscarriage had officially begun? Or started to end? Still confused on terminology. Sadly, I was happy when it began. This means I *hopefully* avoid a D&C. And I don’t have to take any medication to get everything to pass. So yes, I’m happy. Something in this process has to be “good.” So I started expelling everything. And it was like my doctor said it would be - a heavy period. I didn’t ask him about the pain level. I will say, my cramping was more severe than my normal menstrual cramping...

1) What kind of bleeding should I expect? 2) How much blood is too much? (Or, when would I need to be seen if I do lose too much?) 3) Will it be painful? 4) How painful? Will it be like menstrual cramps? Or Braxton-Hicks contraction discomfort? Or even contractions? 5) When is a “miscarriage” over? 6) How often do I have to follow-up and when will the appointments no longer be necessary? 7) How often will I have to get follow-up hcg levels? When do I get to stop them? 8) Can I wear tampons when I’m miscarrying? (Most online resources say no, but I didn’t ask my doctor, and he didn’t volunteer that information.) 9) When can I have sex again? (Goes along with question above and risk for infection for anything inserted vaginally.) 10) If we try to get pregnant again, when can we start trying? 11) Is there anything that could have prevented this miscarriage? 12) Are there certain things I should do differently if there is a next time? 13) Did my IUD ruin my uterus?! 14) Did we...